Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Better now.


Have you ever wished so hard for something, only for it not to happen?  Since my mother passed, I always wished for to come to me in my dreams.  I had that longing to see her again, to get an explanation of why she left me, to know where and if she is ok.
All the dreams that I did have of her was dreams that included her in my actual life.  I would go and visit her, she would come to me and go shopping, etc.  With all these visits, I was still selfish in the fact that I wanted to TALK to her/hold her.  Not to pretend that she was alive and that nothing had happened! These dream were torture, but I had the best dream a month ago.
The dream that I was not even thinking about came true. My mom came to me.  In my dream, I am not even sure what room we were in.  But I know that I asked where had she been?  Why did she leave me like this? All this time had passed and she couldn’t even say good bye?  Then it happened.  I hugged her and fell into her arms and she held me!  I cried and my head rested in the knees of my mom!  I am not sure how long the dream lasted but I woke up with swollen eyes and a content heart.  I was finally able to do what I had wanted/NEEDED.  And that was al the closure I needed.
Will I still miss her? YES, but I am able to breathe easily knowing that my mommy is ok.  To all those that have lost a loved one, let your heart grieve but know that the ache is only there momentarily and God helps with healing.

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