A New Day

First Off, I want to give praise and honor to the God above all.  He has giving me a second chance at life.  God gives and takes away.  With that, let praise be to him and thank you heavenly father for the life you have let me lead!

When you first become pregnant, it seems like everyone wants to tell you the horror stories about their labors or what happened to their friends. This was supposed to prepare me for what COULD happen…… I can honestly say that what anyone told me could NOT prepare me for what was to come……

It was a Friday afternoon. Around 5:30 P.M.  Eli, my husband, was in the middle of taking a nap before we went to Waffle house for the All-Star Special (yum).  Before we went, I decided to lie down too. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I felt a drop and a pop!  I thought, “Is this it? Is this what it feels like when your water breaks?”  Indeed it was!  My water HAD broken and now it was time to call the mid-wife.  After calling numerous people, we headed to the hospital for the birth of our first child, Liberty Sarai Rogers. Oh how the excitement, nervousness, and love filled the air.  Finally after a long wait, our baby would soon be here: born naturally and in a quite, peaceful environment.

Ok, now the hospital stay to me is blurry.  So hold on.  We arrived at 7:45ish P.M. at Vanderbilt hospital in the ER.  I had a towel wrapped around me because I was leaking fluid like a beast.  The towel gave me a sense of comfort and I was a “super hero” in it.  I had to make humor somewhere because it looked like I had peed my pants!  We headed to the room where they hooked me up to monitors and such.  The baby was not having all this and THEN they started Pitocin.  That medicine is no joke!  Woo!  I soon felt the contraction.  Now that’s pain!  I still wanted to persevere and go with the natural method of child birth-no drugs, but after about 12 hours, I got the epidural.  In agonizing pain and shaking, the nurse instructed me to sit on the side of the bed to get the epidural.  This was the craziest thing I had ever heard.  What? Really?  Sit still while you poke me with med.  I did and felt instantly better.  Throughout the day, I was in and out of consciousness due to the med and the only thing I remember during that time is the medical team (mid-wife included) rushing in to say that the baby’s head was swelling.  We were going to have the dreaded C-section.  We knew it was the best route to go, so yes. Yes to the C-section.

I remember a lot of people around me unhooking and positioning me this and that way.  Then the contractions started without pain med.  Soon I saw bright lights above me as I was wheeled though the hallway to surgery. I was going to have major surgery.  I was terrified.  What would happen? What would it feel like? 

I eventually was in the OR and they told me to move myself to the table (yeah, right I see this happening).  I made my way to the table, taking breaks in-between contractions.  Soon after, I was hooked up to every machine imaginable!  I was scared, excited, and overwhelmed that any minute I would be a mother!  So awesome!  I the surgery soon started and my husband was no where to be found.  I told the nurse beside me, “Wait, we have to stop. Where’s my husband? I need HIM here!”  Out of the corner of my eye, I see him in his OR getup and he took his place by my head.  I do remember that I kept telling him to fix my blue shower cap.  For some reason, I was worried that if I didn’t have it on that they would kick me out of the OR. Funny.  He tried to warm my arms that were on out stretched boards (even had heating pads on them).  Then we heard our baby!  She’s here and I feel so relieved that I could breathe (being pregnant and on your back is not a fun place to be)!  They wrapped her up and brought her around and according to Eli; I gave a million kisses and told her that I love you over and over.  I surely do not remember that.  And just like that, they (husband and baby) were gone to the nursery and I was getting stitched up to rejoining my family shortly….or so I thought. 

These next parts are blurry.  I remember the pain doctor making sure that the med was still working.  I reassured him that it was and then apparently passed out.  I would wake up to him standing over me and screaming my name.  Every time I woke up I said, “What?”   Like clock work, I passed out again and woke up to at least 6 doctors and nurse trying to massage my uterus to get it to retract.  To this I replied, “Why are they punching me in the stomach?”  I noticed A LOT of warm liquid pouring out and at this point knew that something was not right at all!  The blond doctor pulled the curtain down that obstructed my view of what was going on and said “To save you LIFE, we have to remove you uterus.  It is hemorrhaging and you are bleeding out.  Is it ok if we do this?”  I told her to do what she had to do.

They reopened my already sew together incision and began to do a partial hysterectomy.  During this time, the nurses and such were rushing around to get blood for me.  I NEEDED so much to compensate what I had lost.  As I drift in and out, I hear the nurse standing to my right say that it doesn’t look good for me.  I had lost too much blood.  WOW, did she really just say that.  I AM RIGHT HERE LISTENING TO YOU!  I wasn’t even able to hold my child and I am going to DIE!  No this can’t be!  I quickly turned to my left and found the midwife’s assistant.  “Since everyone is on their cell phone, can I at LEAST die talking with someone? Can I talk to Trista?”  The midwife’s assistant (Minolo/a, she wasn’t one of my faves) said she would see.  She came back and told me I could but I had her to hold my hand.  Now this is really mean but I told her “Well, I guess you will do.”  At this point I knew I was going to die and I wanted to hear/speak with someone that I loved.  Not a soon-to-be midwife that sucks!  I bit the bullet and clinged desperately to this person.  The person that would be with me till the end.  I was scared beyond belief.  So this was how it would be?  Not even a goodbye to my husband, new born child!

In my head, I began to bargain with God. “You can’t let me die, not like this!  I need to see them again. IT’S NOT FAIR!  As quickly as I had spoken those words, a sense of calm came over me and I KNEW it was happening.  I was dying and could do nothing about it.  Right then and there, I told God that whatever would bring him glory, let it be and it went black.

I woke up to people chattering and trying out how to move this “rather large woman (one of the people said that)” to the stretcher.  Wait, is this heaven? No!  I’m alive, really?  They eventually go this rather large woman to the stretcher and into ICU.  There they kept telling me about losing my uterus and that I couldn’t see my kid for at least 12 hours.  “I understand, ok, ok.” Was my reply. At this time, I didn’t care. I just wanted to see my Eli and Trista. 

I wake up to find my love at my bedside.  We talked for a while and he tried to show me pictures of our little girl.  I tried to see but the medicine was kicking in.  Off to night-night for me. Soon it was morning and I first awoke to an amazing sunset. Gods way of saying, a new day has come and you are alive!  I woke up to see Trista sleeping in a chair with her left leg cocked over the side.  She had stayed by me all night, diligently watching the monitors and making sure I was ok.  Trista, you will never know how much I love and appreciate all that you did for me.  I love you!

 In closing, this blog is dedicated to my God.  The one who saw fit for me to live and be a part of this amazing little girl's life, to Eli for dealing with all my emotions, to all my friends and family for checking on me and visiting me (it really showed me how much you all cared) and to TP-my homie.  I dont know how you feel about me but I truly love you! I know that God put you in my life for many reasons and this was one of them.  Thank you so much for being who you are and for sticking it out!  Beso!

Then next few hours were crazy, but that will come in future blogs….